Friends

What a blessing good friends are in my life. I just spent this past weekend with a good friend at the Time Out for Women Conference. I think having her there really made the experience more special and I got more out of it. We were able to "process" the things we heard, learned and felt at the conference together at dinner and on the drive home. I had so many moments of feeling like the Lord was speaking directly to me, I didn't just want to go home and get lost in my responsibilities and roles and not DO anything about the messages I heard and felt both through the speakers and the music. She is a safe person I can talk to without judgement, condemnation and loves me regardless of my shortcomings and at times I feel like I have more those than strengths.
Another friend just yesterday went clothes shopping with me FOR me. She came over to my house first to go through all of our closets to find outfits for family pictures. I am notorious for doing the classic white top, khaki pants and bare feet. This year, a different good friend is going to take our family pictures outside with this beautiful fall weather and scenery, so new venue, new outfits. After combing through shirt by shirt and talking about several possibilities, she loaded up her preschooler, my toddler and drove to the mall and target to help me color coordinate. This great woman is a mother of 5, wasn't feeling the greatest fighting off a cold and having a problem with her tooth, and still came over and then shopping JUST for me. AND she OFFERED to do so the few days before when we spoke on the phone getting her opinions about how she did pictures for her large family.
Good friends help me see the Lord in my life and feel of His love because just like this friend was so selfless or her time and energy - even though she didn't have a lot to spare. God is so willing and wanting to give us His love and His help if we chose to ask, seek it out and listen. Christ was the greatest example of all about selflessness. He came to the Earth entirely for our benefit and good. His life was one of service and love up until the ultimate sacrifice as he pleaded for each of us in the Garden of Gethsemane atoning for the sins of the world, MY sins... sins I hadn't even committed yet. God loved us... loved ME enough to allow his ONLY begotten Son to suffer so and not 'rescue' Him. Christ himself could have freed himself from such agony, such humiliation, such pain. Gotten Himself off the cross... but didn't. Why? Because of love. Love for me... for us all.
I'm grateful for friends to show me the love of Christ and love of my Father in Heaven through their sacrifice and love.
(Last years family picture in Hawaii... yes, white tops, khaki bottoms... but I LOVE this picture!)

Brady

Seeing God today in my life I'd like to write about my husband. He loves and cares about me enough to sleep on the couch with his long legs hanging off the end because he has a cold. Not just any cold... this cold results in him sniffing/snorting/snoring... loudly! He knows I'm a light sleeper and was not sleeping b/c he was not sleeping. He sacrificed himself for me. I love the whole bed to myself and the quiet, but love him more and hope he gets well soon so he can come join me again in each others arms.
He is an amazing father and I rarely see as many dad's enjoy their children as much as he enjoys ours. He will wrestle with them, hold them in his arms (all three of them at once!) and go in circles singing "I've got the whole world in my arms..." as they crack up and get dizzy.
He initiates family scripture study each night at dinner and family prayer at night and in the morning before school and work.
He is always looking to "become" himself. He is able to take a hard look at himself, see where he may be falling short and acknowledge that, make a plan and move on. He works hard at communication and loving us all the way we feel and need it best... even if it might be foreign to him.
He is a good man. A God fearing man who respects and honors his role as a husband and father and respects and honors his family who depend on him so.
Brady is how I see God in my life today. To feel of His love and see His wisdom in ordaining marriage between a man and woman. To have this union be essential to His plan. Without each other it is harder to "become" the individuals He would have us be. To grow, and learn in love through our spouses. Thank you Lord for loving me enough to send me such a great man to love.

Each new day

So one of my new goals in "becoming" (see previous post) is that I'm going to find God's love everyday. I know it is there, but sometimes I don't stop to notice it, or if I do, quickly move on to the next "to-do" on my list.
But I'm hoping to use this blog to take the time, notice and then record the hand of God each day in my life in the hopes of becoming more grateful, slowing down more, being present, and acknowledging the huge role He plays in my life even when I am too busy, tired or cranky to notice.
I didn't do yesterday yest so I will today.
I see God in my children. I see God in their smiles and in their eyes. I hear Him in their laughter, words of encouragement and kindness to one another. I feel it in their warm embrace, and as they take the other by the hand to lead another down the stairs, give each other hugs and kisses and work together to accomplish good. They are constant reminders of God's love for me as we share love for one another. What precious gifts he has given me. What sweet, glorious, active and mischievous spirits I have been entrusted with which allow me to never be bored and to always find humor if I chose to look.
Here are some examples from the day....

(she might need to join (or start)a self help group "binky's anonymous" as she is now not only trying to stuff in two binky's at once while holding at least one in each hand, but this morning she went for three...pretty talented I have to admit)

(Carter reading to Aubryn before bed).

(Bryce and Aubryn walking through a tent of apple trees).


(Discovering how to do somersaults in her crib).

"Becoming"

I just got back from a wonderful weekend with some girlfriends at an event called, "Time out for Women." The speakers, the musicians, the company, the FOOD... all amazing! My mom and husband supportive enough to make it possible for me to go by tending to our children, my neighbor even helping out by coaching Bryce's soccer team for me for Saturday's practice, and driving Bryce there so Brady wouldn't need to have all 3 ready by 9am, just the one.
Other than the amazing women I was privileged to be around and share a car and hotel room with, something else amazing happened. I was filled.
I'm embarrassed to admit that I had almost forgotten that feeling. The feeling of peace and comfort, confirmation and strength. More powerful than any other feeling experienced while at the same time more gentle than any other feeling. I'm talking about the feeling of the Spirit. How it has filled my soul, my being, my heart.
I always hear from loved ones, "you need to take better care of yourself" or "put yourself first for a change." I have taken this to mean, "be selfish." So in trying to heed this advice (b/c in taking care of yourself means you can then better take care of others right?) I at times have tried to take the 20 minute power nap which sometimes becomes an hr or 90 minutes before another child comes home from school allowing another to watch a movie instead of spending one on one time like I envisioned or desired. But feeling drained and no energy or strength, I give into the flesh and turn on a movie. This always leave me feeling guilty and less than and not the mom I was intended or want to me. I loathe my physical and emotional limitations as I curl up on the couch.
Other times, I chose to catch up on a show that I missed the night before b/c bed time ran too long, or I decided to take the time to talk with Brady or clean the house, do dishes, laundry, etc, etc, etc. This is taking time for myself right?
Wrong. Although both those things on occasion of course are not bad things, but when that is what I'm looking forward to as a respite from my "real life" there is a problem. But today is different. Today is new. Today is beautiful. Today I am filled.
To stay filled and to truly "put myself first" in a way that is NOT selfish and VERY necessary, I need to take the time to think, to write, to ponder, to read, to meditate and pray. I didn't get any more sleep last night than usual. In fact went to bed pretty late at midnight and up again by 7am. I do feel tired. It was a lovely weekend but traveling makes me tired, talking to Brady last night and sharing what I had come to realize yes has made my body tired, but my spirit strong... and it is the spirit that carries us.
My body is sore, tired, tight... my spirit is energized and light and excited once again about my role as a mother, wife, and what I had forgotten, daughter of God.
Priorities need to change as my heart has been changed.
I need to put myself on that list of "things to do." This doesn't include a nap, or a movie/show I've missed. This doesn't include a huge shopping spree or time browsing facebook. For me, this involves getting to know myself again. To connect with my spirit. To getting to know God again. To getting to know my savior Jesus Christ and put into practice his redeeming grace. I've learned that "redeem" means "to change." It is a process... a journey and one I am now excited to be part of. Not drained at the idea of giving more than I have to give.
A light has been turned on. Both in my mind with these different "ah-hah" moments of what I need to do to reach the goals and become the woman I want to be, the mother I want to be, the wife I want to be, the friend I want to be, the daughter and sister I want to be... but also a light deep within me. A light that warms me to my very soul. The makes me feel light. This is the light of Christ and I'm so excited to get to know Him and His atonement better and allow the healing and the love and hope that comes from his redeeming grace.
I'm excited to have a personal relationship with both my Father in Heaven and my Savior. I felt at this conference an undeniable feeling of their reality. Which truly I had been questioning. But God is real. He DOES know me. He DOES love me. The same is said for my savior AND redeemer. I know that it is true, because I can not describe or deny the feelings I've felt. The answer I've received. It is a step in the right direction of my journey as I have a desire to know more about the life of Christ and do my best to emulate that life. And I know he will help me on my journey of "Becoming" as it is a process. But I know that I can as God and Christ sustain me, and carry me in my trials. I can have "hope smiling brightly before me" for that is how I want to live. That is how I am 'meant' to live. And with Christ brings new life and I feel like 'new life' has just begun. A life filled with light.