Happy Mothers Day!

I had a wonderful mothers day this year! All my boys made me breakfast in bed and let me rest for a while and played in the basement. Bliss!
Just before church we went to the azalea gardens that is a huge park next to Brighton Dam with all sorts of beautiful colored azalea bushes overlooking the water. Depending on church time, we try to go every mothers day as it's my mom's favorite place. This year, my parents were watching my sisters kids, so it was my parents, little brother Brian, my sister's kids and our little family. It was a beautiful day and the perfect mothers day! Brady and the boys made me a cute picture album/book with pictures of myself doing fun things with Carter and Bryce. I love it! I feel so blessed to be a mother. I can't imagine a deeper love or more meaningful job.
how beautiful is this view?
Uncle Brian with some cousins
Grandma and Grandpa with all the grandchildren

HELP!

Before I forget, I wanted to post a blog about another of Bryce's antics. He is just at such a funny age.
A few weeks ago he started this funny thing that if the windows were open upstairs, he would go to them, stand on his tip-toes and scream out "HELP!" "HELP!"
I laugh every time, but can't help but wonder what they neighbors might think...

Today before nap time Bryce was saying how many friends he had and started listing them off. "Edan (Ethan), Ben, Isaac, Onna (Brianna), Connor, Spider-man..."

Mother's Day Tea (or juice)

Today was mother's day tea at Carter's school. It was so cute. The kids made cards answering questions such as "My mom is ____ years old." "She weighs_____ pounds." Carter guessed that I was 5 years old and weighed 60 pounds. He is now the favorite child. :) j/k.
The rest goes like this:
My mom's favorite color is "all the colors in the rainbow."
The mom's favorite food is peanut butter and jelly." (maybe I need a little more creativity at lunch time??)
My mom likes "it when her boys help her clean the house."
My mom's favorite TV show is " a singing and dancing show."
My mom doesn't like to "clean the house." (Carter told me while I was reading this out loud with him, "you don't like cleaning up all our messes all by yourself, you like us to help too." How true, how true... Maybe I complain too much about cleaning up after them and how they need to pick up after themselves??
My mom loves me because "I'm so cute."
I love mom because " she keeps me safe."
We got to eat a treats each class made for the tea. Carter's class (Orioles) made lemon-poppy seed bread with glaze. Yum! Other classes made banana choc.chip bread, blueberry bread, tail mix and fruit salad. Of course there was the tea. There was juice for the kids.
Carter was too cute and asked his teachers if the tea was herbal tea. They told him is was iced tea. Carer told his teachers that we don't drink tea in our family only herbal tea, so he was wondering if we could have something else. His teachers said there would be juice for those who didn't want tea. What a good little missionary. :)
The kids than sang a song they had worked on with their music teacher who came in every Friday. They wrote the song themselves as a class to the tune of "Twinkle, twinkle little star."
The kids stood next to their moms and sang:
"I wish you a Happy Mother's Day
I'm going to give you a Mother's Day surprise!
I'm going to give you some chocolates and extra goodies;
I'll make you a card for your Mother's Day hours;
I'll decorate the house and make you a present;
Happy Mother's Day to you!"
They presented us with a "still life painting of purple azaleas in a blue vase" that they each painted and bracelets they beaded onto pipe cleaners.
(holding the beautiful painting)
It was a very fun, cute time. I got lots of hugs and kisses and special Carter attention which I loved. He made sure I always had what I needed and kept getting me more bread- even when I didn't want any more!

As a side note, on the way to drop off Bryce at my parents so I could go to Carter's school, Bryce was looking at me funny, searching my face and looking me over up and down. (I had put in my contacts, put on make-up and was wearing 'nice' clothes in preparation for the special event).
I asked him if I looked different. He shook his head yes looking a bit perplexed as he continued to looked me over. Then a look of clarity came into his face and eyes, he said excitedly, "you cute!" with a big smile on his face.
Ah-ha... so that was the difference..... :) Boy does he make me laugh.

Best way to wake up

Isn't it great waking up to butterfly kisses? Yesterday I took a nap while Bryce AND Carter napped. Yahoo! I love it when that happens. I wake up to Bryce climbing into my bed, leans in close and gives me butterfly kisses on the cheek making us both laugh.

Overwhelming love

(Carter)

(Bryce)

Before you read, I have to warn you that this post is a bit morbid...

I always knew I'd love my kids, even before I become a mother. But I had no idea. Loving them, caring for them, teaching them, hugging and kissing them...that is what I live for. In this moment of my life, my kids are my life. Of course, I love their father more than words can express, and he is perfect for me, but tonight my thoughts are on them as I replay a conversation I had with Carter in the car today.
I don't even know how it began, but I remember him saying, "you are going to die before me, right mommy?" I told him that no one knows when we are going to die, but yes, I probably will die before him because I am older than him. He then asked, "what will happen to me? Who will take care of me?" I can't believe he is asking these questions. The thought of not raising my children is my greatest fear. I always had thought that losing a child would hurt more than anything and that was my biggest fear. Not anymore. A few years ago, probably after having one, I realized that my worst fear was dying myself. Having someone else raise my children. How can anyone know them like I do? How can anyone love them like I do? Even the best of intentioned people who love them can't love them or know them like I do. That thought terrifies me which is why I don't think about it for more than a second. If I do start to think about it, I quickly replace that thought with another.
This morning, I felt I needed to think about it and explain to Carter. In a way I suppose it was a blessing. In praying about who would raise our children if anything happened to Brady and myself, I felt momentarily at peace with our decision before the gut wrenching feeling came back at the possibility of not raising them to adulthood and being there after that.
Anyways, I was thinking at the time I was praying, the boys need to know what would happen so they aren't blind-sided at losing their parents and now not knowing what was going to happen to them. But how do you bring up that conversation? "How was school and by the way, if we die you will go to...."
Anyways, in feeling this an appropriate time to talk about it, and answer his honest question I told him who would care for him and what would happen all the while fighting off tears. To make matters worse Carter asks if he can call the family member who will care for him, "mommy." I explain that I will always be his mommy, she is his....." He says, "Can I call her mommy if I want?" I tell him sure he can, whatever he is comfortable doing. He says, "ok, I'll call her mommy."
Feeling like I want to throw up at this point is an understatement. Carter then says, "mommy if you die, I will be so sad and cry a lot of times." I re-assure him that I will always be watching over him and in his heart. That we are still a family forever no matter what because daddy and I were married in the temple and we will be a family forever, even after we die. (I am getting choked up thinking about this wonderful blessing and promise. Yet still a sick about the possibility of not being here for my children on Earth).
Of course while talking I try to assure him (but probably mostly myself) that I am healthy and young and will not die for a very, very long time. That he will even be old too when I get old.
So aside from this depressing blog, I just wanted to write how much I love my life. My husband. My children. My heart feels like bursting with the love I feel for my children. How sacred the responsibility of a mother. How blessed I am to have these two strong spirited, righteous boys in my family. They are so special and I get the privilege of being there mother! What an enormous task and although sometimes- many times feel as though I'm lacking and not what they deserve, I am so grateful for the chance to raise them. To try again each day to be worthy of being their mother. How did I get so blessed?