Cast and pin removal

Yesterday was a big day for Bryce and our family. The cast came off and the pins came out. I want to be excited about this because that means he is on the road to recovery, however, I think I am too nervous to be excited. The doctor said the bone is healing nicely but it's a waiting game to see what will be the final outcome. Brady being the accountant number man he is, asks what the statistics are that he'll get the full use of his arm back. The doctor says that although he's done hundreds of broken arms, he can't give us a statistic for Bryce because he hasn't seen many with such a "displaced, severe break." So, we are trying to be optimistic which is hard for me when I feel like the surgeon was not so much so. But, I'm sure he is just doing his job and it's like when they told us Bryce might have trouble breathing again on his own after surgery...full disclosure for all the possibilities even if they are not favorable.
When Carter left for preschool he said, "I'm going to pray for Bryce today at school that he'll be so brave and his arm will get better." Bryce was so brave although cried a lot while they power sawed off his cast, x-rayed it again in painful positions with pressure on the pins and again while they pulled the pins out with pliers. There was a lot more blood than I had anticipated with that one. Before x-rays I said, we are just going to take a few pictures of your arm and Bryce said, "no thanks." When the doctor came in to remove the pins, he also told Bryce he was going to take them out and once again Bryce said, "no thanks." Poor Bryce, good manners didn't get him anywhere...
Bryce has been acting very timid and appears to be nervous about his arm being exposed. There are just 2 band-aids covering the area the pins used to be. We are supposed to keep him calm (whatever that means for a 2 year old boy) and let him try to use his arm again when he is ready but not lift more than a cup of milk. So far, he doesn't want to use it and he's been saying "owie arm" more not that it is not supported. He had a hard time going and staying asleep last night.
The doctor said it's a balance act. Although it's not fully healed, if the pins stay in they risk infection and a more painful recovery down the road as they will try to force him to straighten it and the longer it's in the cast, the less range of motion he'll be able to get back. However, with it out, it is vulnerable to being re fractured. I guess I'll just have to put my trust in the doctor, and more importantly in the Lord.
(Pins now in my hand. Long huh?)
(Watching Grinch with Daddy)
(poor arm_
(Leaving the doctor in the elevator. He's not sure what to think...)

(Waiting for the doctor)

Cost effectiveness

Being married to an accountant turned financial planner, and having my father own his company as a financial planner, it's been inevitable that I would pick up a few phases and words from their world. One that struck me today was "does the cost outweigh the benefits" or "is this cost effective?" Or something along those lines. For example, the price for a 5 minute shower is pricey and I have yet to decide if it is cost effective when inevitably one of the kids ends up crying (usually Bryce because Carter pushes him), something spills, or death defying stunts are being performed. But this morning I HAD to shower. Had to. It had been 2 days and I had to go teach and it was time. My time. My 5 stinkin, lousy minutes filled with worry amongst the soap, shampoo and conditioner. Thinking I'm smart to leave the boys eating their cereal, I run upstairs quick as can be and hop in the shower. About 2 minutes in Bryce come in, pulls back the curtain crying. I ask him what is wrong and he says, "Ta-daw me!" (AKA Carter pushed or hit or pinched me). I yell for Carter to get upstairs and come talk to me. I hear yelling back. I yell, "I can't hear you! I'm in the shower! Come in here so I can talk to you!" Meanwhile hurrying to get out the shampoo and trying to comfort Bryce while keeping the water in the shower, not all over the floor. More yelling from downstairs from a strong willed four year old who wants to plead his case. I yell again, "you've got 10 seconds..." I begin counting and on 8 Carter is in the bathroom as well on the other side of the curtain. I ask him what happens and he confesses that he wanted Bryce to hurry and eat and stop talking so he wouldn't be late for school. Bryce kept on talking so Carter pinched his cheeks. I thank Carter for telling me the truth and send him to his room for 5 minutes because if he can't help keep our family safe, he needs to be alone until he calms down and thinks about what he can do differently next time. Of course there is whining and screaming "my cereal will get soggy" and the likes. By now I've conditioned and rinsed. I turn off the water. Bryce has left the bathroom. I call for him to go read books in his room or finish eating. I get the towel, dress quickly and should have known it was too quiet. The advent calender is now a few days short of chocolates and I see him feeding sheepie one. There is also a bag of chips he is eating that is leaving orange dust on my carpet. How can so much go so wrong so soon???
I clean up that mess to come downstairs to spilled OJ on the table and floor. I clean that up, go upstairs and Bryce is now eating toothpaste. Carter yelling, "has it been five minutes?" The phone rings. I ignore it. Bryce is crying because his mean mom won't let him eat toothpaste, chips and more chocolate. I almost start crying. I've been up since 5:30am with Bryce, there is a mess, and Carter is going to be late for school which means I'll be late to drop off Bryce and late to teach my class. Was the shower really worth it? Did the cost of my shower outweigh the benefits? To be determined...

Rainy Thursdays...

It's been raining here for the past few days and one of those days happened to be yesterday...a Thursday. Thursday mornings are my mornings to teach Pilates in Rockville (20 minute drive) and I watch my friends two kids. A one year old boy, and four year old girl. So, I have 4 kids 4 and under driving to Rockville and it's raining. The rain itself doesn't bother me. But when there is never any parking at this gym and I have to park so far away with 4 kids AND it's raining, it makes me a little cranky. So, I give the diaper bag to one 4 year old, the other gets to hold my water, and I carry the 1 year old and 2 year old in each arm. Keep in mind it's raining. No, not even raining...it's pouring and the old man is snoring. Seriously dark and pouring. Worried that someone is going to get hit by a car we always rush in after exiting the car, not looking back, but all around me to make sure my flock is safe and not getting any wetter than usual. We did it....we're in. Then it's getting coats off, and shoes back on (Bryce insists on kicking off his shoes AND socks EVERY SINGLE time we get in the car), sign them in, give hugs and kisses, say goodbye and I make my way up the stairs to each in just enough time.
Beginning the class I hear over the intercom, "is there a fitness first member with a blue SUV?" Crap. I'm sure one of the kids left a door open or something and my car is getting soaked or even worse, the purse, GPS, and cell phone that is sitting on the passenger seat are stolen. Not that anyone would even see it covered in preschool projects, old snacks, sippie cups and the bag I've been meaning to drop off at the thrift store for the past two weeks.
I tell my class I need to see what's going on and I"ll be right back. Just 25 people in there waiting for me is all....
I run down the stairs as the manager runs up asking me by name if that's my car. How odd I think that she would think it was mine. Did I really let on to the rest of the world that my life was so chaotic that it had to be me who was negligent enough to leave their car door wide open in the pouring rain?
Sure enough, there it was. My blue Toyota Highlander with the back door wide open. Everything was just as it should be although now the old cheerio crumbs were not crumbs but wet mush and the once dried finger paint on the preschool projects were wet and runny again, with an additional wet car seat and floor. Great. I can't wait to do it all over again when my class ends in an hour and I have to get them all back in. Seriously, I need to do the anti-rain dance Wednesday nights from now on. I'm done with the rain thing...at least on Thursdays.

Chicken heart

So I'm upstairs getting ready to go teach Pilates at night after I get Brady and the boys situated for dinner. I hear some whining and Brady downstairs telling the boys, "I had to eat chicken heart on my mission, and I just said yum, this is good, thank you even though it was really gross."
Can anyone spot anything wrong with this statement?? First of all, I suppose we are teaching our kids it's okay to lie now. Secondly, is he really comparing my chicken enchiladas to chicken heart? Seriously??

Live for today

So sometimes there are days where I feel like I've been yelling at my kids all day. Not really yelling, but you know what I mean. Short tempered, grumpy, so over making every little thing fun in a sweet upbeat voice...
This picture is after one of those days. After reading Carter books before bedtime I asked if I could just sit and hold him for a while. He was happy to and before long...

I just love that little guy so much and I can't believe how big he has gotten so soon. They really do grow up so fast and I just need to remember that and live in the moment more. Next year, he'll be gone most the day out in the real world at elementary school. Note to self: talk kinder, be more patient, live in the moment, 'let them be little' because they are not little for very long.

Kick it...kick it good!

Carter started playing soccer a week ago at an indoor sportsplex in Rockville. He really seems to be enjoying it. His class is called the hoppers which is 3-4 year olds. The next class up is 5-6 which he did the week before and he was the youngest/smallest since he is not even 5 yet, so this past week we switched which seems much more fun. I really like this coach a lot better too which makes a big difference I think. This past week, I had Bryce do a free trial class and boy is he good! He's like a little broken armed pro out there. We'll see what the surgeon say on Monday when we take him in to get the cast off and pins out. I'm really nervous about that. With the hard cast he can bump it into anything and leave a dent in the wall and not feel a thing. His little arm will just be so vulnerable and I hope it'll be okay. So, we may or may not enroll Bryce. Anyways, the boys had a blast and it's perfect timing since the boys need to move, run and jump and this is a safe and constructive way to do it instead of jumping on the bed! :)

Christmas spirit

So Carter has been doing extra jobs around the house and for neighbors and ward members since summer to earn money. I guess he took my advice seriously when I told him to save his money when he would want something at the store. He is so funny because he collects toy magazines and cuts out his favorite things and tapes them on to computer paper and then staples the papers together to make his own catalogue. He loves this thing and it's gotten huge! It consists mostly of remote control cars, trains, and airplanes. Lately he's been wanting a geo trax train/airplane set, race track and remote control cars. This thing goes everywhere and he wants to show everyone. He even falls asleep looking at this thing! Anyways, after months of saving and getting excited about all his choices, yesterday was the big spending day. He bought an orange remote control car for $8.00 at Lakeforest Mall at KB Toys. He then saw a cool motorcycle toy that goes up the escalator and down the track again and again and Bryce was enjoying watching it. Carter whispered to me, "I'm going to buy that for Brycie for his Christmas present. Don't let him see it!" I let he spend $2.00 and I spent the other $10.00. He was so excited he wanted Bryce to open it right away and was upset when I said no. He loved playing with his car when we got home and even let Bryce have a few turns. :)
Then last night he decided he wanted to spend the rest of his money the next day (today) and buy 'poor children in the orphanage' toys because they didn't have any. I asked him if he was sure and he said he was. I was torn. I remember calling a hotline number when I was about 10 or 11 after seeing an infomercial about how just "10 cents a day can save a child. I calculated that if I spent all my allowance each week, I would have just enough to support a child in need. My parents didn't want me to spend all my money and said I could just spend half and they would match the other half. I thought at the time that it was really nice of them, but I really wanted to do it myself. I get now as a parent, knowing how hard Carer has worked that he should spend it on something he's been saving for, but remembering that experience when I was younger said he could do whatever he wanted with his money. So this afternoon we colored Christmas cards for those children "who have no toys" and wrote them letters. After Bryce got up from his nap, we were off to the mall again. He changed his mind halfway there and decided he wanted to get his Uncle Brian a race car just like his instead of a child at the orphanage. He said, "I'll save my money for them next time." Uncle Brian has been gone all semester at BYU- Idaho and Carter has missed him. So, he spent half the money he had left on Uncle Brians race car and was so excited. He spent the other half on this race track that has three tiny cars that go up the escalator and race down the mini track. I finally just told him to turn it off a half hour ago- 10 pm! We drove over to my parents house to wrap it right away and put it under the tree so it would be there when he came home on Saturday. He kept saying things like, "Uncle Brian will really love this.... He's going to open it right away, but he has to wait for Christmas.... He's going to say, 'I love it' and play with it all day and not open his other presents because he is having too much fun!" I guess it's true what they say that it's more fun to give than receive.

Bryce-isms

Bryce is at such a funny age. A few days ago he notices a purple marking on his broken arm just above the cast. (The surgeon checked it before surgery so they would operate on the correct arm...comforting....) Anyways, he sees the marker and says with a distraught look on his face, "no no doctor my arm. Color paper." Too funny. Can you tell we've had a discussion or two about the proper place to color??

The past few weeks Bryce has been wanting to say the prayers without help which is pretty much the same. Dear Ha ha, (mumble hum sound) food, (mumble hum sound) blessings (shouts) AMEN with a huge smile on his face. Tonight he wanted it to be sheepies turn so he whispers in sheepies ear what is written above and then after "amen" claps and says "yay she she!"

My name is Carter...

I love fast and testimony meetings. Today while the bishop was bearing his testimony, Carter leans over to me, "mommy...mommy..." I tell him I'm trying to listen to the bishop. He then goes to daddy who listens. I hear him saying something about bearing his tesimony and Brady says he needs to do it all by himself which Carter says, "okay. Can I go up now?" When the bishop is done, Carter marches his little four year old self straight up to the microphone in front of the whole congregetion. They lower the pulpit for him and get him a stool. Brady and I look at each other like what are we supposed to do? Go up with him? Stay put? We don't move. Once Carter is up there and situation on the stool, you can just see his little face barely over the pulpit. He says, "My name is Carter. When I was in Idaho, we went to the temple, in Idaho and I got to go inside the temple and I felt the spirit. In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen." He smiles real big and marches on back to our seat. I, or course have tears running down my face. Now he's the big boy and I'm the baby. :)
"I have no greater joy than this, to see my children walk in truth..."

Toddler fun

These are one of Bryce's favorite "toys" these days. Apparently they are fun to unwrap and pop out leaving the box of now opened tampons all over the floor. The joys of having a toddler.

What if He didn't have any ears?

Last night during family scripture study, Carter asks some interesting questions. It went like this:
Carter: "how does Heavenly Father hear everyone's prayers?"
Us :He knows each of us and always wants to hear from us, and can listen to our words and our hearts even when we don't say anything outloud.
Carter: "what is Heavenly Father's ears fell off or didn't have any ears?"
Us: He has a perfect body so He does have ears.
Carter: "But what if He didn't or they broke?"
Us: Well, He does have ears, but even if He didn't he could hear us with his heart and mind because He is our Father. He made our spirits.
Carter: "What if He is sleeping?"
Us: He can still hear you no matter what time it is or where you are. All the time.
Carter: "So we just wake Him up?" (while closing his eyes acting like he is waking up groggy...)
Us: I don't know how that works. If he sleeps or is always awake. I do know that no matter when, what time it is, He is always very happy to hear from you so it wouldn't matter to him if you woke Him up. He would just be happy you are talking with Him.
Carter: "oh. I'm stronger than Satan."
Us: We know you are.
Carter: "Because I have big muscles look...(holds out arm to feel his muscle) and Satan has little teeny tiny muscles this big (hold out his fingers in a pinch size saying 'teeny tiny' in a high pitched voice).
Us: Actually, you are a lot stronger than him because you have a body and Satan doesn't. He has NO muscles."
Carter: "None?! Wow!"
Us: Nope, he didn't get a body like we did because we followed Heavenly Fathers plan and he didn't.
Carter: "And Satan sometimes tries to trick me, but I don't let him."
Us: Yeah, me too.
Carter: "Well sometimes I do. Sometimes I push Bryce and squeeze his cheeks really hard and say butt and stupid when Brayden(friend from class)does. I know we don't say that in our family and it's bad words, but I can't stop! Does that mean I can't live in Heaven???" (worried now eyes big).
Us: Of course not. We all make mistakes. Every day. That's what is so great about Jesus being born and then dying for us. We can repent and try again. And as long as we keep on trying we'll be able to go to Heaven and live with Heavenly Father again.
Carter: "When?"
Us: We're not sure. When Jesus comes again.
Carter: For two times?
Us: Yes, because he was already on the earth once. Remember when he was born in Bethlehem and got baptized and taught all the people?
Carter: "Oh yeah. Can I cut out a race track now?"

It's humbling to be answering such big important questions and I hope I answered him right and can always answer his questions. It made me realize I need to do a better job reading scriptures and praying myself. We can't teach what we don't know. I always want to be able to teach my children the ways of the Lord and can only do that if I know the Lord personally like He knows me and search out the holy scriptures that testify of Him and Christ.

Happy Thanksgiving!

We had a great Thanksgiving this year at Deep Creek Lake. There was about a foot of snow which all the kids loved. We met my parents, grandparents from Colorado (my mom's parents, sister Brooke and her fiance Dave, and my other sister and brother in law with their 4 kids. It was actually very relaxing and the men were great with watching and playing with the kids while the women were in the kitchen preparing the food. I was in charge of the sweet potatos this year which I've always hated, but this recipe I have has a lot of sugar and butter so it doesn't taste like sweet potatos at all- it's like a pie. YUM! It was so fun being all together and the cousins all got along really well. We had a fire going the whole time and the kids (minus broken armed Bryce) spent a lot of time swimming in the pool and hot tub.
My mom treated the women to a spa day the next day and I got an amazing hot stone massage and facial. We then all went in the hot tub and relaxed and chatted. Can't get any better than that! Did you know there is such a thing as cucumber water? Refreshing. Here's some Thanksgiving pictures.

(The turkey leaf that Carter made in preschool of what he is grateful for. He traced his hand and made a turkey and around the leaf it says, "I am thanksful for Holly because she gives me kisses on the inside of my ear!" Gross.

(Poor Bryce just watching the other cousins swim through the window on the door)

(Swimming fun)

(Carter helping me mix the sweet potatos...what a mess we made!)

(Carter peeling sweet potatos. Bryce putting stuffing in a pot. What great helpers)

(You sunk my battleship!)

(Daredevil Carter getting ready to sled)

(Faster Carter!)
(Almost as good as popsicles...)
(Grandma with some of the grandkiddos)

I have so many things to be grateful for and saw this on a friends post so thought I'd be a copycat and give it a try to name a few things I'm grateful for this year
T- Three males in my life who are the most important people to me. Who love me unconditionally and are the joy and reason to my life. I love you Brady, Carter and Brycie~
H- Hard casts. I don't know what I'd have done in the 'olden days' if my toddler broke his arm so severly. I'm grateful for surgeons, hospitals, medication and yes, the protection we now have from the hard cast on Bryce's arm as it heals.
A- Atonement. I'm so grateful to my elder brother Jesus Christ and his atoning sacrifice. Without Him, I would not be able to live with my Heavenly Father again and be with my family forever. He is the perfect example I try to emulate and although fall short time and time again, it's okay. That's the point of the atonement.
N- Naps. I just love a good Sunday nap when we can get them.
K- King size bed! It is so nice to be able to face the same direction without our knees knocking into eachother. I also enjoy not being hit in the head with Brady's elbow when he turns over.
S- Singing. I love to sing and express my emotions through music.
G- Gospel. I'm so grateful for the faith and courage of Joseph Smith who restored Christ's church to the earth. For the Preisthood power, for temples that families can be togehter forever. For the knowlege of the plan of happiness and for the happiness, peace and joy I experience by being part of such a tremendous blessing.
I- Insurance. Between our car accident and two trips to the ER with Bryce in the past couple months, we'd be in big trouble without it. Childrens Hospital bill alone was almost 20,000 so far and the bills are still rolling in.
V- Vitamins. This way, I can kind of negate what I ate during the day by taking one pill, it's like the cookies for lunch and chips for breakfast were nutritious.
I- Ice cream. Especially cookies and cream, and milkshakes, and magic shell topping on ice cream. MMMM.... Or and the Internet which makes blogging possible. :)
N- Never ending water supply from my tap. I love water and can't seem to get enough!
G- Getting my back scratched every night by such a sweet, wonderful husband. I love the back scratch!

2- 2 beautiful boys that keep me on my toes and let me know more about our Heavenly Father's love than I ever though possible.
0- 0 debt, especially in todays economy. What a blessing and relief!
0- 0 gray hairs- yet. Okay, actually I think I may have seen 1 the other day- I think, or maybe it was just really blonde? Anyways, it got me thinking about it...
8- 8 years of knowing my incredible husband Brady. Seven of which we've been married. I "never knew I could feel like this..." Someone mentioned in church during a talk that life never ends up how you picture it or how you imagined it would. The person beside me said under her breath, "you've got that right" and turned to me and asked if it was different than I thought. I replied, "yes. It's way better." Thanks for showing me was real love and happiness is Brady. I love you and count you as one of my greatest blessings.

Follow up

So today was the day we've all been waiting for since Bryce broke his arm and had surgery 11 days ago. The hard cast is on. WHEW! After putting the pins in his arm, they put a splint on him to allow for swelling which was softer and had open areas. We kept it elevated as much as possible, but on day 5 after reading and movies, we were both Barney-ied out. He started feeling better around that time resulting in him wanting to climb, run and jump like our typically Brycie. I was glad he was feeling better but at the same time he was giving me a heart attack.

Today, we went to Annapolis for the follow up. After driving over an hour and Bryce saying "no doctor" a lot of the time, we finally go there. The splint was removed and I was surprised to see all the crusted fluid and pins sticking out farther than I anticipated. (The taped part is covering the line of stitches where his incision was made. They will dissolve in time)
We went and got it x-rayed and then casted. The doctor says it looks really good and perfectly aligned. We won't know about the growth plates for another 6 months or so through the x-rays and we'll know in 3-4 weeks when the cast comes off how it healed and will determine than if rehab is needed and if the bone was able to live and have blood flow through it again. Fingers crossed!

(Our tough little man showing off his new "boo" (blue) cast. It goes from the palm of his hand all the way up to his shoulder).

Bryce was so brave throughout the whole process. Following his x-rays while he was still on the table, I put the weighted belt over sheepie to pretend his arm needed to have it's "picture taken" too to keep Bryce occupied while the tech was reading the films and seeing if she got what the Dr. needed. He would hold up sheepies arm and say, "k shee-hee no move k?" Then I would make a click sound like the picture had been taken. He would then grab sheepies face, look him in the eyes and say, "yay! shee-hee, did it! Brabe (brave) shee-hee!" and then gave him a hug and kiss. So cute~! And then of couse go on to suck on one of his satin paws... That thing is well loved! So much so, it's time to sew the bottom portion of a paw back on!

Laying low

This past week was to be one of taking it easy, elevation and quiet play. I was surprised how well he actually did not jumping off the walls- and bed this week. When he would play too rough, he would say, "owie arm!" and run to me and want me to hold him. Here are some pics of him laying low until the hard cast is put on. (Bryce's turn to be the doctor. Letting sheepie have a go at the whole patient thing)
(Laying by my feet on the kitchen floor of course with his best friend sheepie while I make dinner. He's become like another one of my appendages since the hospital. Sweet boy).

Two little monkey's jumping on the bed...

...One fell off and broke his arm. Friday night at 7:30pm getting ready for bed, the boys starting jumping on our bed. As I was telling them to stop and it was time to get on jammies, off comes Bryce. (I was in the other room at that moment getting Bryce's pajamas for him). I hear a cry/scream that I had never heard before. I ran in seeing Bryce roll from his left side to a sitting position. I quickly pick him up from under the arm pits to comfort him noting that as I did so one shoulder felt funny and out of socket. While holding him, trying to comfort him I called Brady who was helping someone move and told him to come home b/c Bryce broke his arm. I then called my mom who also came right over. I looked more closely at Bryce who was just whimpering at this point and noticed a bulge from his left elbow. I continued to try to comfort both Bryce who has his head on my chest and Carter who is near tears because he feels bad about what happened. I hug and kiss Carter telling him how much I love him and it was an accident but we need to go see a doctor to help Bryce feel better. Brady and my mom flew in about the same time, I wrapped a coat around Bryce, kissed and hugged Carter once more and had Brady drive us to the hospital and my mom stayed with Carter.

Once at the hospital, they x-rayed his left arm, which as you can imagine was a painful experience. As Bryce was crying, I let my silent tears fall on the top of his blonde head, which was now damp with sweat in addition to my tears. How I wished I could have taken away his pain. If only it were me instead. I would do anything for my children, and I felt so helpless. All I could do was continue to sing to him and whisper calming words of encouragement. Brady of course was amazing. He was able to focus on Bryce but also on my needs/feelings at the same time. I was able to hold and comfort Bryce while he held and comforted me. Moving Bryce's arm in different positions to get different angles, listening to him cry, kissing away the tears, I couldn't help but think of Heavenly Fathers immense love for us all. To watch your son be in such pain and to allow it to happen... it baffles me as a mother. I don't know if I could ever watch a child in pain, knowing I could stop it at any time and not. The spirit testified to me how much the Lord loves each of us and how much Jesus loves us as well to have suffered that way for us so willingly and lovingly. I still have much to learn.
After x-rays, we were wheeled back on our stretcher to the pediatric ER. The doctor came in and told us it was definitely broken at the bottom of the humorous at the elbow joint. A portion of the bone had completely detached and was broken off. The brake was over 5mm detached from the bone, and typical brakes are between 1-2mm. She said they were not comfortable dealing with such a severe brake especially in a child so would transport us to Children’s Hospital in DC. She informed us that surgery would most likely be needed. While we waited for the ambulance to transport us, they needed to insert an IV. It was awful! Bryce was so brave and didn't even try to pull away, he just cried and screamed "owww! owie!" Over and over. It broke my heart. Once it was in, they decided it wasn't good enough so did it a second time on the other side of the elbow (on his good arm). This time it worked and they gave him morphine, which helped immensely. My mom came in just as his IV was being put in. When it was over I went over to her and she gave me a big hug and I just lost it. I was no longer the strong supportive mother, I became the child. I was crying as she just held me and did what I had been doing for Bryce. Comforting me with words of encouragement and soothing me with love. She kept repeating as I cried, "a mother can do anything for her child, you can do this." And I would. No matter how much pain his pain caused me. It wasn't about me. I would be the mom again and be strong for my son. I wiped my tears, took a deep breath and was ready again to be the mom. But how grateful I am for eternal families and that bond between mother and child that is always there, always strengthening, loving and comforting. Even now as a mother myself.

Just before he was taken over to Children's hospital, my dad came to Montgomery General where we were at and with Brady gave him a blessing. I know the Lord is mindful of all his children and knows their needs even before we do.
Transportation to Children’s was uneventful and I was grateful for that. Once at Children’s, we were put into triage with a screaming child next to us and a sick one next to them. Bryce was calm at this point even with the screaming going on until the IV needed to be put in for the THIRD time. This last time in the hand.
For some reason, the disc they transferred the x-rays on didn't transfer so off to the x-rays room AGAIN! After another round of crying, we were wheeled back to wait for the doctor. And wait, and wait. Finally at 1am, and Bryce had just fallen asleep on my lap, the doctor comes in to tell us he definitely needs surgery and will be admitted for the night. They wanted to do one MORE set of x-rays to get the joints just above and below the brake (which I had asked them to do the LAST time we got the x-rays!) Yeah, not the happiest mama bear at this point. So we wake him up to twist his arm and shoulder in some more painful ways and are wheeled back to wait again. Bryce falls asleep just before 2am when we are finally admitted to a room upstairs. Asking if we can keep the stretcher for a while b/c he just fell asleep and is finally comfortable was apparently too much to ask because the charge nurse came in requesting that he be transferred into his crib. So, he's awake and crying again. Good thing they have ANOTHER empty stretcher back in the ER. That could have been a disaster if they let my baby sleep and they didn't have 5 or so extras...
He gets another dose of morphine and I sing him to sleep around 3am. We answer questions and sign papers until 5:30am when we are finally able to sleep on the plastic couch and chair they have in the room. 6:30am Bryce is awake. I let Brady sleep and lay my body next to Bryce, my head on his pillow and sing to him. He sleeps again for another 20 or so minutes.

(The crib AKA jail he has to sleep in. And looking at the picture, I'm not sure how I managed to get up on there myself and lay and sing to him until he was asleep).
We prep him for surgery around 8am and we say a family prayer before we say good-bye to our baby. I didn't realize they needed to put a tube down his throat to breathe for him or that he "may" have trouble breathing again on his own. I didn't realize that the bone detached might now be dead and blood won't be able to flow through it again resulting in a deformed arm that is not able to move as well as it should. Nor did I think about the nerves that might be affected to restrict the movement in his hand and arm. I also didn't consider the possibility of the growth platelets being affected and having his arm remain the size it is now while the other grows normally. Nope, not until they were about to take my baby away. I listen to the doctor doing his job explaining risks and possible outcomes with tears in my eyes but I will not cry. I am the mother and Bryce will not see me upset. I am the mother. I kiss Bryce on the head running my fingers through his hair telling him how brave he is and that the doctors are going to help his arm get better. I tell him how much I love him and that I'll see him soon. He just looks at me with those trusting big blue eyes and says, "k." It reminds me of the scriptures that tell us to become as a little child and to have their faith. He wasn't scared, he didn't question, he didn't whine, he just trusted me as his parent that I loved him and wanted what was best for him. If only I could heed that scripture as perfectly as Bryce exemplified it in that moment. The perfect humility and trust of a child with an innocence that is unparalleled. I know that Heavenly Father loves and wants what is best for me, but how often do I just have blind faith and put my trust in him completely as Bryce had in me at that moment?
Just before the wheel him away I look at the doctor and tell him to take care of my baby. As soon as the doors close behind us, the silent tears spill down my cheeks. Brady asks what I need and I tell him for us to go up to our hospital room where it was then safe to break down and sob. I am still the mother, but now I can also be the fragile wife and weeping mother.

Composed and in the waiting room, an hour and a half later, in comes the doctor. He shows us the x-ray of his arm now with 3 pins in it. They each stick about ½ inch out of the arm and the hope is that in 3-4 weeks, they can wiggle the pins out and have his arm fully functional again. I already mentioned the risks which they wont’ know until the cast is off and they re-x ray it. He said that the x-rays don’t do justice to the damage that was done. He said that it looked like “a bomb went off in his elbow” with all the cartilage damage. They were able to pin it within 1 mm of the bone, which is good.

(Reading to Bryce after surgery)
So, after staying one more night in the hospital for observation and IV meds we came home around 1pm on Sunday after a long weekend.
We are adjusting ok, and have had so much help from my parents, friends and our church. It’s amazing how much we are loved and cared for by those around us and I’m extremely grateful.

(After Surgery)

(Feeling well enough late that night to want to move around and explore the hospital)

(Ready to go home sitting by the big stuffed rabbit he loves which was Uncle Matt's when he had surgery at 2 years old).
Bryce is sleeping pretty well with his Tylenol with codeine and has even started sleeping in his crib again after needing to be lying by me for a few days singing to him to get him to sleep. Day times are better now, and he’s his happy, active self which is good and bad since the hard cast is not on yet, and I’m supposed to keep it still and elevated. He’s frustrated he can’t use both hands and I am right behind him or holding his hand on the stairs. He is either whiny or trying to move a chair one armed to climb up on to something like usual. We’re doing the best we can. Just keeping him medicated and as still as we can. He is so brave and such a happy spirited boy and I love him more than words could ever express. And our family rule is no more monkey’s jumping on the bed.

(Bryce at home recovering eating raisins with sheepie while watching Barney)

Playing around with some digital scrapbook software...

Make a Smilebox scrapbook

Hurt feelings

Well, it's happened. My preschool aged child has said, "I don't like you mommy." And as much as I've heard other parents talking about their child saying this to them, I'd think, it's really not a big deal but I'd console them with "they don't really mean it" and such. Sometimes I'd even be thinking perhaps that they somehow deserved it b/c they maybe yelled at their child or demanded too much or something. Now I sit here eating humble pie and it doesn't taste good. My voice was never raised, I stayed entirely calm the entire time through the plugging of the ears, and stomping of the feet and the yelling. All I did was ask him to come eat the dinner I prepared. That doesn't seem like a horrible request (most of the time anyways...depends on what I attempt to cook. But tonight was mac and cheese for crying out loud!) I honestly didn't expect this to ever happen. At least not until kindergarten. I know he really means, "I am not happy right now" or "I wish I had more freedom to do whatever I want whenever I want." However, logic and emotion can be two completly different things. While my son is upstairs in his room taking deep breaths(in theory) and having some alone time until he can be respectful- I am here blogging, now part of the disliked mommy club and my feelings are hurt.

Pre-Halloween Halloweens

Carter's school Halloween Parade. Cute little 4 year old children marched around the front part of their school to show off their cute costumes. Of course Carter was the cutest by far and I'm not just saying that b/c I'm his mom. His grandma even agreed with me. :)

Entire Orioles Class

March monkey march! Carter is holding his tail b/c Spider man kept stepping on it. So much for spidey senses...

I love my crazy little monkey boy!

A few days before we had the ward Halloween Party which was fun. We invited our neighbor and her 5 kids and I think they all had a great time. It was sleeting outside so instead of trunk or treat, we did a hallway or treat thing. Still got candy so it's A-OK!

Carter and Bryce with "fangs"- a prize from one of the games

Can anyone guess what I am??
They even had face painting. Of course Carter got rockets!

Neighbors that came with us to the ward party- awesome family.

Hmmmm....got any peanut M&M's??? (Bryce's favorite candy right now. I know, I know...he's not supposed to have any peanut products until age 3....whatever!)

YUM! I'll take anything!

Happy pre-halloween! Brady met us there for the last half b/c he was working late that night at his Spanish tutoring job.

Speaking of Brady, last but not least for our pre-halloween activities, Brady went to Carter's preschool, the Creative Learning Center for father/son pumpkin carving night and brought us home an awesome jack-o-lantern. Good work boys!
Brady, Carter and Dimitri - (a friend from church AND his class- what are the odds?? :)

Clotheslined!

So I totally got clotheslined at the park today. Like, totally. Really biffed it. I was running full speed after Carter growling (we were playing monster) and decided to be tricky and cut him off at the place he was heading (the slide) and force him back the other way. So, while running, full speed I ran smack into one of those bars that kids do flips over and pull-ups on. Being the tall freak I am, it hit me right in the chin/lip area and my legs went from under me and I landed on my back stunned. Totally and seriously clotheslined. I did an all over body check determining first if I was still alive. Sweet little Bryce grabbed my hand and pulled me up. Carter rushes by my said, and says "Awwww...are you okay mommy?" I don't know if I answered him. I might have, whimpered like the little pathetic monster I became. Carter says to Bryce, "come on Brycie let's wipe off mommy, she's hurt and all covered in wood chips." Indeed I was. So four gentle, small helping hands wiped at my back and head. I felt so much love for those two little boys who were now caring for me. (I also felt throbbing in my head, pain in my jaw, lip and chin). I felt my chin and lip with my hand which felt as if it had doubled in size to make sure I wasn't bleeding. (Wouldn't it be just my luck to get a third set of stitches on the same side of my chin as the other two). No blood. Whew! Carter says, "Don't worry mommy, in my prayers tonight I'll ask Heavenly Father to make your lip better."
I asked Carter if my lip looked a little big. He said, "No, it looks a lot big." Gotta love honesty. I finally stood up trying to wipe off the remainder of wood chips from my bum and legs. Carter said, "mommy, I think you need a little break from monster, let's just play duck, duck, goose instead." Bryce the entire time is just staring at me dumbstruck. He didn't want to play anything after that. He just kept saying, "home." He seemed so confused as to why in the world his supermom would fall, be covered with wood chips and now look like jay Leno with a protruding chin with a bonus fat lip. (I was a little confused myself). We did end up playing monster again but just for "five more minutes" which actually for some reason always seems to be more like 10 or 15.... Why then do I always say "five?" My kids are going to have a warped sense of time....anyways, another topic for another time. Time to ice my face.
UPDATE: Carter actually did remember to bless my chin while saying the prayer before dinner tonight. What a sweetheart. Immediately after we said, "amen" he said, "now is your lip feeling better?"

What do you want to be for Halloween?

So, this morning I asked Carter (since he is still ambivalent about what he wants to be) if he could be anything for Halloween what would it be? He said, "a mommy." I asked him, "what would you wear for your costume?" He answered without hesitation almost like a 'duh mom' look on his face... "a robe." I'm surprised he didn't add and sweat pants, with splattered food and snot all over them, with hair pulled back.

Thinking...

So, early this morning before the sun came up, I was thinking while holding my 2 year old in my arms. He had complete control over the bed, my pillow and managed to push me to the very edge of the bed. Never before had our king size bed seemed so small. Bryce was a little blanket of fire as he snuggled into me closer. I didn't dare move. He and I both needed to sleep, although only one of us was getting it.
After arriving home around 2AM from the emergency room, he was asleep and I was hoping to keep it that way. Poor kiddo has croup. He woke up just before midnight struggling to breathe and coughing. His wheezing and labored breathing caused Brady and I to worry enough to take him in. I guess what might be a normal chest congestion/respiratory cold or infection in adults is called croup in younger kids because their airway is so much smaller, it gets inflamed and can close up. So, after ruling out pneumonia with chest x rays, they heard him "barking" and decided to give him a dose of steroids to help his airway open up a bit. They then gave me a little oxygen mask to put on him which of course he hated. We had to wait and at least an hour in the ER for them to make sure he didn't have a negative reaction to the steroids and that he was breathing better. At least I got to hold him and I sang/hummed to him for the entire time his two songs we sing to him at night, "Love one Another" and "I am a Child of God." That seemed to calm him.
So, as I lay awake in the early morning hours, exhausted, but too scared to move or reclaim my space or pillow, I thought. I thought about how much my life had changed since becoming a mother 4 years ago. I thought about the sleep I didn't get, the showers I didn't take, the teeth I sometimes didn't get a chance to brush. I thought about time that is no longer mine, quiet I rarely heard, and the toys all over the house. I thought about my body that is no longer the shape or size it used to be, the bed that has no room in it, and my arm that is now tingling and asleep wrapped around my baby boy. I looked at that sweet boy of mine and thought....
I wouldn't want it any other way.

More fall fun!

So, it's that season for apple picking- yet another thing to love about fall! The boys and I went to Larriland farm with a few other people and their kids and had a great time. Funny thing is, the apples are more expensive picking them than at the store. Like, 70 cents more expensive per pound. What is that all about?!? So, we picked for the "experience" more than the apples itself. Regardless of price, we had a great time. Carter brought his own plastic red wagon and Bryce brought a dump truck to fill with apples. Carter used his wagon, but Bryce had more fun lounging in the wheelbarrow with me pushing him and guess who ended up pushing the dump truck along with Bryce and the apples....? Give you a hint: not Carter.

So After apple picking, we went to the little barn which sells pumpkins and jams and such. There was this box that said open me with a smiley face on it. Anything with a smiley face on it can't be bad right? WRONG! So I open it and a rat pops out and touches my finger! I scream. Loudly might I add and everyone turns to look at me. A man comes up to me and asks me what's wrong and I can't help but to just give him the box now closed with the stupid smiley face sticker on it and see what he thinks. Somehow it made me feel better seeing a bigger man jump the way her did. :) My boys had a love/hate relationship with it. (There was a spider one too and they boys loved playing with it nervous each time).

We then went to get a pumpkin for father/son pumpkin carving night at Carters school the following week. Carter had to look at every single pumpkin it seemed before we found the perfect one. Almost 13 pounds of pumpkin and boy was he proud to have picked it up "all by himself" and drag it up the hill to the cashier.

(Well, most of the way. Bryce helped a little.) :)