Thursday, October 27, 2011


What a blessing good friends are in my life. I just spent this past weekend with a good friend at the Time Out for Women Conference. I think having her there really made the experience more special and I got more out of it. We were able to "process" the things we heard, learned and felt at the conference together at dinner and on the drive home. I had so many moments of feeling like the Lord was speaking directly to me, I didn't just want to go home and get lost in my responsibilities and roles and not DO anything about the messages I heard and felt both through the speakers and the music. She is a safe person I can talk to without judgement, condemnation and loves me regardless of my shortcomings and at times I feel like I have more those than strengths.
Another friend just yesterday went clothes shopping with me FOR me. She came over to my house first to go through all of our closets to find outfits for family pictures. I am notorious for doing the classic white top, khaki pants and bare feet. This year, a different good friend is going to take our family pictures outside with this beautiful fall weather and scenery, so new venue, new outfits. After combing through shirt by shirt and talking about several possibilities, she loaded up her preschooler, my toddler and drove to the mall and target to help me color coordinate. This great woman is a mother of 5, wasn't feeling the greatest fighting off a cold and having a problem with her tooth, and still came over and then shopping JUST for me. AND she OFFERED to do so the few days before when we spoke on the phone getting her opinions about how she did pictures for her large family.
Good friends help me see the Lord in my life and feel of His love because just like this friend was so selfless or her time and energy - even though she didn't have a lot to spare. God is so willing and wanting to give us His love and His help if we chose to ask, seek it out and listen. Christ was the greatest example of all about selflessness. He came to the Earth entirely for our benefit and good. His life was one of service and love up until the ultimate sacrifice as he pleaded for each of us in the Garden of Gethsemane atoning for the sins of the world, MY sins... sins I hadn't even committed yet. God loved us... loved ME enough to allow his ONLY begotten Son to suffer so and not 'rescue' Him. Christ himself could have freed himself from such agony, such humiliation, such pain. Gotten Himself off the cross... but didn't. Why? Because of love. Love for me... for us all.
I'm grateful for friends to show me the love of Christ and love of my Father in Heaven through their sacrifice and love.
(Last years family picture in Hawaii... yes, white tops, khaki bottoms... but I LOVE this picture!)

Tuesday, October 25, 2011


Seeing God today in my life I'd like to write about my husband. He loves and cares about me enough to sleep on the couch with his long legs hanging off the end because he has a cold. Not just any cold... this cold results in him sniffing/snorting/snoring... loudly! He knows I'm a light sleeper and was not sleeping b/c he was not sleeping. He sacrificed himself for me. I love the whole bed to myself and the quiet, but love him more and hope he gets well soon so he can come join me again in each others arms.
He is an amazing father and I rarely see as many dad's enjoy their children as much as he enjoys ours. He will wrestle with them, hold them in his arms (all three of them at once!) and go in circles singing "I've got the whole world in my arms..." as they crack up and get dizzy.
He initiates family scripture study each night at dinner and family prayer at night and in the morning before school and work.
He is always looking to "become" himself. He is able to take a hard look at himself, see where he may be falling short and acknowledge that, make a plan and move on. He works hard at communication and loving us all the way we feel and need it best... even if it might be foreign to him.
He is a good man. A God fearing man who respects and honors his role as a husband and father and respects and honors his family who depend on him so.
Brady is how I see God in my life today. To feel of His love and see His wisdom in ordaining marriage between a man and woman. To have this union be essential to His plan. Without each other it is harder to "become" the individuals He would have us be. To grow, and learn in love through our spouses. Thank you Lord for loving me enough to send me such a great man to love.

Each new day

So one of my new goals in "becoming" (see previous post) is that I'm going to find God's love everyday. I know it is there, but sometimes I don't stop to notice it, or if I do, quickly move on to the next "to-do" on my list.
But I'm hoping to use this blog to take the time, notice and then record the hand of God each day in my life in the hopes of becoming more grateful, slowing down more, being present, and acknowledging the huge role He plays in my life even when I am too busy, tired or cranky to notice.
I didn't do yesterday yest so I will today.
I see God in my children. I see God in their smiles and in their eyes. I hear Him in their laughter, words of encouragement and kindness to one another. I feel it in their warm embrace, and as they take the other by the hand to lead another down the stairs, give each other hugs and kisses and work together to accomplish good. They are constant reminders of God's love for me as we share love for one another. What precious gifts he has given me. What sweet, glorious, active and mischievous spirits I have been entrusted with which allow me to never be bored and to always find humor if I chose to look.
Here are some examples from the day....

(she might need to join (or start)a self help group "binky's anonymous" as she is now not only trying to stuff in two binky's at once while holding at least one in each hand, but this morning she went for three...pretty talented I have to admit)

(Carter reading to Aubryn before bed).

(Bryce and Aubryn walking through a tent of apple trees).

(Discovering how to do somersaults in her crib).

Sunday, October 23, 2011


I just got back from a wonderful weekend with some girlfriends at an event called, "Time out for Women." The speakers, the musicians, the company, the FOOD... all amazing! My mom and husband supportive enough to make it possible for me to go by tending to our children, my neighbor even helping out by coaching Bryce's soccer team for me for Saturday's practice, and driving Bryce there so Brady wouldn't need to have all 3 ready by 9am, just the one.
Other than the amazing women I was privileged to be around and share a car and hotel room with, something else amazing happened. I was filled.
I'm embarrassed to admit that I had almost forgotten that feeling. The feeling of peace and comfort, confirmation and strength. More powerful than any other feeling experienced while at the same time more gentle than any other feeling. I'm talking about the feeling of the Spirit. How it has filled my soul, my being, my heart.
I always hear from loved ones, "you need to take better care of yourself" or "put yourself first for a change." I have taken this to mean, "be selfish." So in trying to heed this advice (b/c in taking care of yourself means you can then better take care of others right?) I at times have tried to take the 20 minute power nap which sometimes becomes an hr or 90 minutes before another child comes home from school allowing another to watch a movie instead of spending one on one time like I envisioned or desired. But feeling drained and no energy or strength, I give into the flesh and turn on a movie. This always leave me feeling guilty and less than and not the mom I was intended or want to me. I loathe my physical and emotional limitations as I curl up on the couch.
Other times, I chose to catch up on a show that I missed the night before b/c bed time ran too long, or I decided to take the time to talk with Brady or clean the house, do dishes, laundry, etc, etc, etc. This is taking time for myself right?
Wrong. Although both those things on occasion of course are not bad things, but when that is what I'm looking forward to as a respite from my "real life" there is a problem. But today is different. Today is new. Today is beautiful. Today I am filled.
To stay filled and to truly "put myself first" in a way that is NOT selfish and VERY necessary, I need to take the time to think, to write, to ponder, to read, to meditate and pray. I didn't get any more sleep last night than usual. In fact went to bed pretty late at midnight and up again by 7am. I do feel tired. It was a lovely weekend but traveling makes me tired, talking to Brady last night and sharing what I had come to realize yes has made my body tired, but my spirit strong... and it is the spirit that carries us.
My body is sore, tired, tight... my spirit is energized and light and excited once again about my role as a mother, wife, and what I had forgotten, daughter of God.
Priorities need to change as my heart has been changed.
I need to put myself on that list of "things to do." This doesn't include a nap, or a movie/show I've missed. This doesn't include a huge shopping spree or time browsing facebook. For me, this involves getting to know myself again. To connect with my spirit. To getting to know God again. To getting to know my savior Jesus Christ and put into practice his redeeming grace. I've learned that "redeem" means "to change." It is a process... a journey and one I am now excited to be part of. Not drained at the idea of giving more than I have to give.
A light has been turned on. Both in my mind with these different "ah-hah" moments of what I need to do to reach the goals and become the woman I want to be, the mother I want to be, the wife I want to be, the friend I want to be, the daughter and sister I want to be... but also a light deep within me. A light that warms me to my very soul. The makes me feel light. This is the light of Christ and I'm so excited to get to know Him and His atonement better and allow the healing and the love and hope that comes from his redeeming grace.
I'm excited to have a personal relationship with both my Father in Heaven and my Savior. I felt at this conference an undeniable feeling of their reality. Which truly I had been questioning. But God is real. He DOES know me. He DOES love me. The same is said for my savior AND redeemer. I know that it is true, because I can not describe or deny the feelings I've felt. The answer I've received. It is a step in the right direction of my journey as I have a desire to know more about the life of Christ and do my best to emulate that life. And I know he will help me on my journey of "Becoming" as it is a process. But I know that I can as God and Christ sustain me, and carry me in my trials. I can have "hope smiling brightly before me" for that is how I want to live. That is how I am 'meant' to live. And with Christ brings new life and I feel like 'new life' has just begun. A life filled with light.

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Back to School!

Yes this post is very late.... but hey, it's the story of my life at this point I suppose. :)
Carter is entering the second grade and has Mrs. Titheringon which I could not be happier about. She is a sweet older woman who (as rumor has it) is a little disorganized but is sweet and loves teaching and the children. She also reportedly doesn't yell which is always a plus and will be a change from his teacher last year, Mrs. Fite. Don't get me wrong, she is a lovely woman, but could and did get overwhelmed quite a bit. Not that I totally blame her. With 28 young children in one small classroom... enough to make anyone a bit nuts.

Anyways, Carter has been enjoying getting to school on his scooter and sometimes to mix things up, his 2-wheeler. He convinced Bryce to ride along with him and I drive by slowly in the van. When we reach the corner just before the crossing guard, we say good-bye to Carter and Bryce hops in the van to head off to preschool.

We are at a new preschool this year with Bryce trying to un-do some of the damage done last year. He did not have a good experience and more than once I left him crying after I pried his arms from around my neck or leg. Broke my heart! I am not sure if it was the kids, the teachers, the huge age gap (not quite 3 yr olds- Bryce at 4 in Sept after a week of school... which is crazy btw...), but it was not a good combination which is so sad to me b/c preschool is a time to be excited about learning. To have a positive experience your first time away from home and it just did not happen at Ashton Christian Preschool.

So this year, we are back at Creative Learning Center where Carter used to go. I have full confidence in the teachers Mrs. Pascoe, and Mrs. Splain as they were Carter's teachers when he went there. Also the director is awesome as well. It felt warmer and "safer."

So far, so good. Most of our mornings have been "I don't want to go to school, I want to stay home with you," but there have been no tears or tantrums. He always seems happy when I pick him up. So I am hopeful that through positive repetition, he will continue to be more confident and comfortable away from home and meeting new friends and trying new things.
I do miss them though, and I know Aubryn does too. She walks around the house after dropping off Bryce (b/c she is used to him being home with her while Carter was at school last year), "Biish.... we-ah-oo? Hmmmm...." with her little hand palm up and a confused face with crinkled brows. It's cute... and sad. But it'll give us time to bond just us girls. :)

Thursday, September 8, 2011


I find it interesting how inter-twined the hearts of parents- mothers more specifically can be with their children. My heart is hurting right now for Carter as he struggles in school. He LOVES to read and is "above grade level" in reading (and why again are we labeling and categorizing our children?!) but seems to struggle with math and writing.
Other parents I hear saying how easy this and that is in school and how their child is not being challenged, and they are bored... and it makes me feel angry and protective. Boo hoo if your child is not being challenged enough. So what? Challenge them at home, give them more assignments after their homework is completed and teach them yourselves wherever their level might be. For others who are barely getting certain concepts and take so long to do homework and correct it in between the tears or frustration and calling himself stupid and hitting himself in the head and face b/c his brain is not smart feels like it is killing me. It hurts so badly to see your child hurting and suffering so much. I just hold him while he cries and we try again when he is ready. We take breaks if he gets too overwhelmed and he goes and reads on the couch. He loves to read which is such a blessing. We talk about how faith without works is dead and we can't just pray to get better, but need to practice and work at it as well. I hate the curriculum of "below grade level" or "above grade level" or heaven forbid, just "average." Why must we live in such a competitive world where everyone compares themselves to others to get a sense of self, a sense of worth. Why can't we know that we are enough just because we are children of God, we are children or our parents, and good, kind, loving people??? I hate it. I wish his class size was smaller b/c 28 is just ridiculous for more individualized attention. I wish I could go in and help out more and feel so guilty that I can't because I have two young ones at home. I want him to know how important and special he is and who cares what so and so is learning and can do... if you improve then you should be proud of yourself... I know I am. I couldn't stop the tears tonight after back to school night thinking about how insecure he feels about his spelling. Who cares really....? I am a horrible speller. That's why there is spell check- if I ever even chose to use it. The doesn't mean I'm not smart. I graduated at the top of my class both with my BS and in graduate school and that was with two children! Carter, you are so much smarter than you think and what the world might see as "smart" is actually not always right. Just keep learning. I hate to see his desire and curiosity and love for learning be impacted by his perfection. May the Lord heal both our hearts tonight.

Monday, August 15, 2011

Angels among us

Just another morning as a stay at home mom with 3 children carrying on the daily tasks as usual getting ready for school to start in two weeks (gasp!). We were running some errands this morning and somehow, somewhere I lost my keys. I know, I know.... "didn't you just lose them at the metro after getting back from DC?" "Yes, yes I did." But hey, it's been almost a month now, so I'm way over due to lose them again. (Not sure why I just had a conversation with myself but anyways...)
Aubryn had been crying/screaming (she has found her voice and her opinions) the entire time at the last store. I was ready to go, the boys were ready to go, heck, the whole store was ready for us to go. I check out, grab my bags, man handle Aubryn and she kicks and screams and goes limp not wanting to be carried, but she has already kicked off her shoes which have been thrown into a bag somewhere, shout out Bryce's name while we cross the street as he is spinning in circles repeatedly slowly getting farther away from me and I see a car coming, lecture the boys about proper store behavior, tell Aubryn we're going home soon and everything ok as she continues to screaming in my ear and have a limp body, and arrive at our van. I strap in Aubryn, other kids strap in their boosters, strap in myself, wipe some sweat off my face, look for my water bottle which I left at home and get ready to go. Only one thing... we need the keys. BOO!
I get out, continue to tell Aubryn we're going soon and she's ok, look all over the van. Boys unbuckle to help and in the process find lollipops which are more exciting to them than keys. I hand them each one b/c by this time it is 1pm and no one has eaten since breakfast and what's better for lunch than pure sugar?
I unbuckle and carry Aubryn back in, remind the boys we are going in not to look at more toys, but to look for keys, remind them again for proper store behavior, take a deep breath, hold back tears and walk in. I check at the front desk... no keys. I start re-tracing my steps. The boys are actually very helpful. We look all around isles, in the cracks, on the floor, in empty carts... I am even closer to tears starting to think about who I could call to come get us if it came down to it. I think to myself, it's a good think I left my car unlocked. Could we walk home?? The thought makes me want to cry harder.
I start to look around a bit more frantically in the toys isle and look down one Carter has been searching and see his sweet little head bowed, his hands clasped and his eyes closed. He is praying. He knows that God knows where our keys are. He knows that we are not in a great situation. He knows to "be still and know the (He) is God." I can't hold back the tears anymore. Here is my 7 year old teaching me in that moment. I am relying on myself to come up with a solution, and my child knows exactly who has the solution... and it's not me. Immediately I feel calm. I begin to pray too in my heart and continue to look. A lady approaches me and introduces herself as Ilene. She is in her 60's and has on bright pink lipstick. Her hair is white and she is kind. She says she overheard me ask the cashier if she found any keys and asks if she can help look. I tell her I would appreciate it. Some time passes and the lollipops are now just slobbery sticks, it is time to admit defeat. Perhaps it was in the previous store?? Sigh.
Ilene comes over and tells me she didn't find anything but asks if I would be comfortable enough for her to drive us home. She says she has a car seat strapped in her car already for her 18 month old granddaughter. Again, holding back tears. She asks if I'd like to see her license or anything else to verify who she was, etc, but I tell her I am trusting my instincts and heart and feel grateful she is so willing to help. She says she will bring her bags to her car and drive the car to the front entrance so I don't have to carry the baby around anymore. She tells me she has lost her keys plenty of time, but not with 3 small children and can imagine how hard that would be. I leave my name and number at the front counter. We get loaded into her car, then think I should leave my name and number at the previous store just in case it was there I left them. I run in quickly with Aubryn still on my hip and ask if anyone has found any keys, immediately the lady hands me mine. Relief rushes over me and I rush back to the car where this angel is entertaining and talking to my other 2 children. As we switch boosters back into our car, and get the kids re-loaded into the van, I give her a huge hug and thank her for being an angel to me and my family that day. We come home and I give Carter a big hug and tell him how blessed I am to have him teach me and be an example to me that day. How he remembered before I did that God knows and loves us all. How lost keys might not be a very big deal to him, they were to us and because of that, he sent Ilene and helped us find them. There are angels all around us walking about. I pray that I can at some time, somewhere be an angel is someones life as Ilene was to me today.

Friday, July 22, 2011

Checking it twice...

On the way to Layhill gym where I was subbing a pilates class, Bryce and Carter were talking about what they were going to do there instead of just watch TV the whole time. (I HATE that they have it on)! Anyways, Carter brought his catalogue he made in preschool and adds on to periodically to look through and write Santa (whom he knows is not real, but keeping the "magic" alive for his younger siblings)informing him of his wish list. He said he was going to write a list, then he said, "well, maybe not a list because I don't want Santa to think that I'm greedy. Actually Santa knows everything so even if I write a list, he'll still know I'm not greedy and just giving him ideas." I said something about "yeah, Santa knows if you are bad or good, so he'll probably know that too." Bryce said, "Santa knows a lot but he doesn't know everything. He doesn't know when Jesus is going to come again. So, Heavenly Father is smarter than Santa Clause and Heavenly Father is even more powerful than Santa too." True that Bryce.

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Painting the Roses Red!

Oh dear... how has my life become a Disney movie? But not the princess and prince live happily ever kind. The one that is all kinds of psycho. lol!
The title is of course referring to the song in Alice and Wonderland when they cards plant the wrong kinds of rose bushes. White roses grow, and the Queen of Hearts has little tolerance for imperfections. The cards want to keep their heads so they frantically paint the white roses red in hopes that they won't be beheaded almost knowing this last ditch effort is pointless, but not knowing what else to do. (As I am giving this recap, I am reminded why my children have not seen this movie or many other Disney movies for that matter....).
Anyways, I totally felt like the poor cards the other night while trying to get bright red paint out of Bryce's creme colored carpet. We're in the process of painting his room. It's going to be very cool- a pirate theme as he loves pirates and peter pan. The top is a light sky blue (also painted ceiling which I've never done before), the bottom an ocean blue with waves going all around. On one wall we're painting a mural of an island with an X and treasure, palm trees and row boat. I had just completed painting the red X...the ONLY red in the entire room when Aubryn woke up from her nap. I did not close the lid tight enough as I would discover a few hours later at bedtime.
Brady was working late and I was getting the 3 kids ready for bed. As I was taking a turn brushing Carters teeth, in comes Bryce running around like a mad man screaming "mommy, mommy... paint spilled!" I turned an noticed red at the bottom of his foot as he ran back from the bathroom into his room. I scream for him to stop which he promptly did. WHEW! However, I see a big spot of red paint and several blotches (footprints) all over his comforter on his bed (the mattress in on the floor right now), and on his carpet, into the hallway, and back again.
I pick him up and wash off his feet in the sink, scrub the bathroom so there is no more red paint in there and decide it best to get the kids in bed before I tackle the stupid paint. I am not mad, probably b/c I was in denial mode and just getting the kids to bed. I figured it would be easier to clean without 6 little feet running all over the place.
So, it was an hr later I'm laughing about it a bit as I tell Brady b/c hey, what else are you going to do? Brady however was less than amused.
In hind sight, I should have tried to sop up the big circle of paint before it sunk deep... and I mean deep into the stupid carpet.
I google what to do with latex paint in the carpet and try just about all of them. Laundry detergent, hot soapy water, Windex, this magic potion called "blaze" a door to door sales man sold me a couple years prior... nothing. In fact, it is even worse bc the stupid paint smears and it's been 3 hrs. My fingers are red and raw from chemicals and scrubbing. It is then I am struck with a brilliant idea!
Paint the carpet a tan/creme color! I think this in genius although part of me feels a little unsettled about it b/c it doesn't quite seem sane or practical especially since I'm trying to get OUT paint. Why put more IN?? And yet, I couldn't help myself. Totally empathizing with the cartoon cards I share my idea with Brady who laughs and then looks at me like I'm crazy. I grab the stirring stick, get some paint and slop in on. I stir it in singing, "I'm painting the roses red...." which laughing a bit admittedly like a crazy person. It seems to work. I continue to paint the entire large spot, call myself a genius and go to bed satisfied around 1am. It at least was MUCH better 'looking' than before. It was now a slight pink, but mostly creme spot. I am satisfied and go to sleep. I wake up feeling a little less enthusiastic about what I had done the night before. I go in and although looks better than before, it was now thick and crusty tan. When I painted it, it was soft and wet from all the water, chemicals and scrubbing. Of course the paint hadn't dried either. Oh so discouraged. Off with my head!

Part 2: Titled: I am a goof-off

So, I go to home depot after looking up the cost of rugs, re carpeting and pergo flooring... not in the budget. You know what is? Goof off.
It says it's for latex paint in carpet even, and although it says to not directly spray into the carpet, I'm thinking that doesn't apply to someone who gave their carpet a second coat of tan paint. I spray that sucker right on there. Scrub, repeat... a few times. It's working I think.... it's working!
A few brain cells less, the carpet is more a pale pink/although still has some creme in it, and less crusty. Much less crusty. I couldn't take the smell anymore as it was potent, but I'm a bit hopeful. I will keep you posted. And looking back on the whole thing... from what I can tell at this point, I don't think that painting the carpet was really that crazy thing to do. It at least made the color not so bright, so the spot will be less noticeable.... if I ever get it out. We'll see... don't hold your breath- unless of course you are in the room with me as I spray the goof-off directly onto the carpet multiple times. :)

Tuesday, June 28, 2011




Notice anything different between these pics??

Our poor little Bryce needs to have his front teeth extracted. :(
He has suffered trauma to his front left tooth which also happens to be a fused tooth so it's like his front and the one next to it are one tooth as if cemented together. So, the front tooth died as a result of trauma (and to be honest with you I don't have any idea which one). This past Saturday was his 7th ER trip - 3 being for a split chin. This last time was for that reason. He was making a "pillow ladder" to the top of the coffee table and "surprise" the pillows were not a stable ladder so down he went. By the time Brady brought him, it was swollen too much to glue and too superficial to stich. No big deal, but when the Dr. looked on the inside of his mouth b/c he cut it in there too, he saw a red boil type thing above the front/dead tooth. (It turned like a brownish color about 2-3 months ago). This apparently is a sure sign of an abscess. A what?! Really, I had never heard of that before. I've had but one tiny cavity and always have had healthy teeth, and so have my kids so I did a little research. Did not like the results of the search. Basically, it's an infection in the tooth and the sore is b/c of drainage. To remedy the situation, the person needs to be started on an antibiotic to control the infection from spreading the other parts of the body and affecting the permanent tooth above the baby tooth. So, he was started on an antibiotic with the directions to see his dentist as soon as possible which we did today. She is not able to do a root canal b/c the tooth is fused the the one next to it AND the infection could return and we wouldn't know. Especially b/c it's a dead tooth, he wouldn't have the severe pain usually associated with an abscess. SO.... they need to be extracted. This is not recommended in her office b/c it is a complicated situation having it be fused. So, I called the oral surgeon who said they don't usually do anything on children under 8, but have sedation options so we're going that route.
(2 weeks later)
So, Bryce was very brave. He did very well through the procedure. They gave him an oral sedative he drank which was supposed to make him sleep in about 20 min. Bryce kept saying, "I'm still awake!" as if he had beat the system somehow the little stinker. After about 20 min though he did start to get calm anyways and just kind of stopped moving so much and sat there. The Dr came in and gave him another dose which in hind sight probably was not the best idea since he had already given him a good amount b/c "he is a big kid." But, he was calm and blinking heavy when the Dr and nurses came in. One by his waist and feet in case he moved, one by his head and then the dentist. He just kept looking around at all the people, then at me by his feet. He did this again and again throughout as if he was seeing them for the first time. They had the IV sedation available should he freak out and need it. But he didn't. He did so great and the Dr was so great! He held still while they numbed his lip, cheek and gums which allowed the Dr to do a series of shots (about 10) in his mouth (gums) before he pulled them out. His teeth started to separate as they came out, but I guess there is only 1 root for the 2 teeth. Interesting.
Anyways, that was the easy part. He bit on gauze for a bit and his lip and cheek were all big and swollen. I had to carry him b/c he was so floppy. But he was so out of it and did not like it. He wanted to walk but couldn't, he was concerned that he dropped his teeth but I had them, he wanted to carry them but couldn't get a grip on the bag... so he cried the whole way home. He did not like how it made him feel. I imagine it was like feeling awake, but not quite awake and I'm sure the numbing medicine was wearing off so he was sore on top of it in addition to being hungry since he couldn't eat or drink and it was already noon. He cried at home too- even when we tried to get him to watch a movie. He tried to stand up an hr or so later and fell... it was really sad. He had about 4 fudge-cicles and a couple Popsicles that day and eggs. We kept him on Motrin and Tylenol for the pain. I took him on a walk in the stroller later that afternoon to get some fresh air and he seemed to be doing a little better by dinner time but still cranky and out of sorts. We were supposed to leave for the lake for the 4th of July that day, but held off until the next day. The next morning he was fine. No Tylenol or anything that day. Only thing is is he wasn't allowed to swim for a few days so at the lake he was sad for the day or two but then got to swim after and had a great time. This boy has been through SO much with doctors! He did so awesome though. I have always loved his little smile with those fused teeth and crinkled nose and was mourning the loss of it before hand. But I do have to say, his missing teeth are cute too and he still has got that crinkled nose when something is really funny or he's smiling real big.

(Sheepie there the whole time and after of course...)

(on the boat a few days after)

Friday, April 15, 2011

Best Mother Ever...

So it's official... I am the best mother ever. I had my reasons to think so before, but after this morning, it's officially official.
Started out great- Bryce had a playdate, Aubryn toddling around the house, me getting ready to go and cleaning up some dishes. I agreed to sub a pilates class in Layhill and Bryce and his friend were having fun together so I thought no problem to have him tag along too and they could continue playing at the gym's childcare playroom... which should actually be called the gyms tv room since that's how they decide to entertain the kids while you exercise (or in my case teach) which I think is SO great- esp. when it's shows I don't approve of and if you request the tv be turned off, it's not fair to the toddler already watching it. Boo-hoo. But that is a whole other story for another time.
Anyways, Aubryn does not like to be separated from me- at all. Not even to daddy sometimes. So, it came as no surprise when she started becoming frantic and crying when I hugged and kissed her and said good-bye. What did surprise me however is when I could STILL hear her from my class 20 minutes later. About 10 min. into the class I shut the door which usually stays open b/c it was so hard to focus hearing her is so much distress. "Does she have her binky?" "Is someone even holding her?" "Would the class mind too terribly if there is a baby on my hip while I teach?" "Do they have any idea of what they are doing in there or are they too busy changing channels and putting in another movie for the whole 5 kids in there?" (ok, so when I get stressed, I tend to get sarcastic).
So, at 20+ min. the childcare workers had had enough and just not able to console her, they come into my pilates class to tell me that I need to just take her back and my workout is done. The girls face was priceless when she saw that I was not a student but the teacher and could not simply come take her. Believe me I wanted to! This was so not worth the extra little money!
The girl says, "you're the teacher??" I ask if she has tried the binky. Reply: "there's a binky? where?" My reply: "the same place I told you it was 20 minutes ago when I dropped her off!" (but only in my head). Out loud I told her (again) where it was and off she went. Things got a little better from there. I could hear her cry off and on the rest of the time in equal proportions. The class was over 10 minutes early.
After that (and this is where the best mother ever part comes in) I took the kids to the McDonalds right next to the gym b/c it has a huge outdoor play place. Bryce always begs to play and eat there when we pass and I always tell him when the weather gets warmer. Today, the weather is warmer. We got some food and got ready to play. With my brain not being what it used to and after the stress of the baby screaming for 50 minutes, I brought the food outside and let the kids eat AND play. Bad mistake. Eat THEN play or play THEN eat. Either one is fine. What I did... not so much. The kids nibbled a bit here and there, Aubryn spilled some things and then the big shake I got us all to share spilled and the staff was none to happy about it. Sigh. Still, not a big deal. Overall the kids were having fun. I realized my mistake, had them sit and eat, and then play. All was well for about 20 minutes and Aubryn even had fun playing in the structures. She loved it -and the french fry I gave her- (1st and possibly last).
Time to go. Always the highlight of any event. Getting kids to get on shoes, jackets and getting in the car. Other than putting kids to bed, this has to be one of the least fun things to do... and WHY is it always so dog on hard?!? (deep breaths). Anyways, I even prepared with a 5 min. warning followed by the 1 min. warning which happened to be perfect timing b/c Aubryn fell off the last step and smacked the back of her head on the ground of course resulting in more crying and screaming for the day although I swear she's met her daily quota.
"Time to go!" I call up to Bryce in the structure. I wait b/c I know it's big and give him the benefit of the doubt looking for the exit or a slide to take him down as he is anxiously wanting to be obedient. I wait a little longer..... Now I'm done waiting. "Bryce! Time to go... where are you?" "Up here at the top of the slide!" "Ok, come one down it's time to go." "No. I want to stay here all day long." Few little words make my blood boil, but "no" from my kids is definitely one of them. "Bryce, come down here right now." No response. Now my blood is really boiling b/c few things other than a few little words make my blood boil and being ignored by my kids is one of them. I say, "Bryce come out right now or you will go on time out when we get home. You have 3 seconds. One... two.... three." Nothing. "Ok Bryce, now you are going to go on time out as soon as we get home. And keep in mind that I am not the only one at this play place. Other children are watching as our their parents and grandparents at my failed attempts to get my 4 yr old to obey me. And I am very aware of them watching and listening to me. Especially since one lady tells her kids they are not allowed to go up the slide b/c "this mommy" is trying to get her son to come down. And yes, Aubryn is still crying. "Bryce, every minute you make me wait is another minute I add to your time out." This is effective as he doesn't even understand the concept of time. Yes, I am awesome. (sarcasm again). Oh, and everything I say is extra loud since I'm saying it up a long twisty slide that echos all too well. And yes, I realize I am having a full blown conversation with myself since I'm the only one talking and I see his shadow at the top of the slide laying at the top waving his legs in the air with no intention of coming down. I half jokingly say to the spectators in the area, "I wonder if I should go up there and pull that little stinker out." One lady says, "you'll get stuck" and another says, "I'll hold your baby." She is probably the same lady keeping her kids out of the slide on account of mine. Screaming fit number two by the baby as I pass her off to a stranger. She looked nice and I'm sure her kids were in there so she can't possibly be a bad person and kidnap my baby right??" Yes, again... I'm awesome. I start to climb up the stupid brightly colored play structure that is very tall and of course he is at the very top. I try once more, "Bryce, if you don't come out in 5 seconds, I'm coming up there and pulling you out." One... two... three.... thank heavens I hear him coming down the twisty slide- barely though since Aubryn is breaking down for the second time that morning. I turn around to get her and realize she had been passed off to another lady. Oh well, the first one was a stranger anyways, what's one more... awesome. I have a little firm talking to with bryce, something about not coming back and how I was not happy, etc grabbed Aubryn and my purse holding firmly onto Bryces hand, and walked through the door (being held open for me by another stranger) and left with absolutely no dignity in tact.
Is it nap time yet?

Sunday, March 6, 2011

Panic mode

So, I rarely panic. Actually, I usually work best under pressure. In fact, can't remember the last time I did. Might have been while giving birth to Carter... or Bryce... or Aubryn. Ok, so giving birth sometimes puts me in panic mode with the feelings of "how the heck am I going to live through this?!" Other than that... I'm mostly panic free. Even when Bryce at 2 yrs old... and I mean a brand new 2 yrs old broke his arm, and needed surgery and 3 pins to fix it, I didn't panic. Broken hearted and pain in my gut for days before, during and after the procedure, yes, but panic no.
Today, I panicked.
During Sacrament meeting at church, I had Aubryn on my lap and gave her an apple slice- peeled to munch on. She has done this a handful of times at the house and does a good job just nibbling off little bits, chewing with her 8 front teeth and swallowing. It has been a while, and she must have been rusty because she forgot the chewing AND swallowing part. Instead, she choked. I'm not talking about a cough it up choke or scrapes on it's way down. I'm talking about a no cough, no cry, awful gasp type sound, no air getting in or out of her airway type choke. I couldn't believe this was happening. I didn't want to overreact... or panic, so I observed a bit, then when it didn't resolve itself and heard the "choke" sound I did a softer abdominal thrust above her naval. Twice. Smacked her on the back. Twice. Nothing... more "choke" sounds. Awful gasping for breath sounds. My mom who is also CPR certified and was an EMT and also broke my dad's ribs while saving his life doing CPR was sitting next to me. I turned to her, said, "mom!" and she took her over her lap and smacked her back. Twice. Nothing. She stood up (I might have first) and tried once more, before going out in the hallway to try again. Once or twice more and she was crying. A kind man in our ward(Dr) was coming down the hall b/c he saw what was happening. Well, everyone did actually. The pew we sit on happens to be the front row. So, out go mom and I, followed by Brady, followed by our two boys. Everyone afterwards told me it sounded like the whole congregation breathed a collective sigh of relief once they heard crying from the hallway. Other than a baby bring first born, crying never sounded so sweet.
(Super Grandma)

It took her a while to get calmed down... and me too. Didn't realize it until I was rocking her in my arms, wiping her tears and soothing her with my voice that I was shaking and couldn't really feel my fingers. I have to say for the rest of the day, I hugged and kissed and cuddled her a little more. My sweet precious angel, I'm so glad you are safe and you have angels watching over you- including your grandma Petersen.

(ice cream makes everything better??)