Thursday, September 8, 2011


I find it interesting how inter-twined the hearts of parents- mothers more specifically can be with their children. My heart is hurting right now for Carter as he struggles in school. He LOVES to read and is "above grade level" in reading (and why again are we labeling and categorizing our children?!) but seems to struggle with math and writing.
Other parents I hear saying how easy this and that is in school and how their child is not being challenged, and they are bored... and it makes me feel angry and protective. Boo hoo if your child is not being challenged enough. So what? Challenge them at home, give them more assignments after their homework is completed and teach them yourselves wherever their level might be. For others who are barely getting certain concepts and take so long to do homework and correct it in between the tears or frustration and calling himself stupid and hitting himself in the head and face b/c his brain is not smart feels like it is killing me. It hurts so badly to see your child hurting and suffering so much. I just hold him while he cries and we try again when he is ready. We take breaks if he gets too overwhelmed and he goes and reads on the couch. He loves to read which is such a blessing. We talk about how faith without works is dead and we can't just pray to get better, but need to practice and work at it as well. I hate the curriculum of "below grade level" or "above grade level" or heaven forbid, just "average." Why must we live in such a competitive world where everyone compares themselves to others to get a sense of self, a sense of worth. Why can't we know that we are enough just because we are children of God, we are children or our parents, and good, kind, loving people??? I hate it. I wish his class size was smaller b/c 28 is just ridiculous for more individualized attention. I wish I could go in and help out more and feel so guilty that I can't because I have two young ones at home. I want him to know how important and special he is and who cares what so and so is learning and can do... if you improve then you should be proud of yourself... I know I am. I couldn't stop the tears tonight after back to school night thinking about how insecure he feels about his spelling. Who cares really....? I am a horrible speller. That's why there is spell check- if I ever even chose to use it. The doesn't mean I'm not smart. I graduated at the top of my class both with my BS and in graduate school and that was with two children! Carter, you are so much smarter than you think and what the world might see as "smart" is actually not always right. Just keep learning. I hate to see his desire and curiosity and love for learning be impacted by his perfection. May the Lord heal both our hearts tonight.

1 comment:

Kelly said...

Stumbled on your blog tonight. So sorry to hear about your frustration. If it makes you feel better Audrey didn't learn to ride her bike until just this past summer... at 8! Everyone has different gifts. I love your boys.