Sunday, February 12, 2012

Quiet moments

Baby girl had a fever a few days ago and wasn't sleeping. I had just laid my head down around 11:30pm and of course, almost as if she can sense it, she wakes up crying, "ma-nee!" (Not sure why she says ma-nee for mommy, but I can't bear to correct her b/c it's so stinkin cute)! Ok, almost everything she does is cute to me. :) Anyways... I drag myself out of bed, stumble down the hall and pick up my feverish baby and plop in the rocking chair. The exhaustion left my body as I began to sing some of her favorite songs. I began to trace her face watching her eyes slowly close and open in rhythem to my caress. Overwhelming love consumed me as I held this beautiful baby girl in my arms. "She is so beautiful..." is what I kept thinking over and over as I held and rocked her. "I can't believe she is mine! I made this sweet thing...." I felt so grateful to the Lord for my baby girl. For all my children. I felt so undeserving of such blessing... so inadequate and humble to be a mother to these choice spirits of God. I wanted so much to not let them down... to let the Lord down... to let myself down. I am all too aware how imperfect I am, how much I have to learn. I sometimes feel overwhelmed by the sacred responsibility of motherhood. How much it influences, impacts and molds their personalities and view of the world. I don't take that lightly. I know that I could never do it on my own. I am grateful to God and his Son to help make up for my failings. To have the ability to learn and improve each day. To teach my children, the Lords grace is available to them as well. As is Christ's redeeming sacrifice and unconditional love.
I love being a mom. It's in quiet moments like the one I had with Aubryn the other night that it hits me like a ton of bricks... I am everything I've wanted to be. Although not perfect, I am a mother. I am so blessed.

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