So, early this morning before the sun came up, I was thinking while holding my 2 year old in my arms. He had complete control over the bed, my pillow and managed to push me to the very edge of the bed. Never before had our king size bed seemed so small. Bryce was a little blanket of fire as he snuggled into me closer. I didn't dare move. He and I both needed to sleep, although only one of us was getting it.
After arriving home around 2AM from the emergency room, he was asleep and I was hoping to keep it that way. Poor kiddo has croup. He woke up just before midnight struggling to breathe and coughing. His wheezing and labored breathing caused Brady and I to worry enough to take him in. I guess what might be a normal chest congestion/respiratory cold or infection in adults is called croup in younger kids because their airway is so much smaller, it gets inflamed and can close up. So, after ruling out pneumonia with chest x rays, they heard him "barking" and decided to give him a dose of steroids to help his airway open up a bit. They then gave me a little oxygen mask to put on him which of course he hated. We had to wait and at least an hour in the ER for them to make sure he didn't have a negative reaction to the steroids and that he was breathing better. At least I got to hold him and I sang/hummed to him for the entire time his two songs we sing to him at night, "Love one Another" and "I am a Child of God." That seemed to calm him.
So, as I lay awake in the early morning hours, exhausted, but too scared to move or reclaim my space or pillow, I thought. I thought about how much my life had changed since becoming a mother 4 years ago. I thought about the sleep I didn't get, the showers I didn't take, the teeth I sometimes didn't get a chance to brush. I thought about time that is no longer mine, quiet I rarely heard, and the toys all over the house. I thought about my body that is no longer the shape or size it used to be, the bed that has no room in it, and my arm that is now tingling and asleep wrapped around my baby boy. I looked at that sweet boy of mine and thought....
I wouldn't want it any other way.